SO ashamed. i feel like no one else has ever done such awful things but i know it’s not true—other people have done these things. and i am not alone. and then i constantly work my way around this circle (knowing better than to hate myself) but still i want to. because i am so happy now and feel like no one has punished me. so i have to. to make things even. i always get what i want. always have. makes me sick. so i punish myself with these regrets and mistakes. i don’t feel like i deserve to be so happy.
The above secret isn’t mine, but I’ve felt this exact way more times than I can count. I do gain some measure of consolation knowing that being consumed by a near-crippling guilt complex must mean that I’m not so bad after all. Bad people don’t give a damn about having been bad. Most of us aren’t “bad”, we’re just human and humans make mistakes. They say the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Everyone who can relate a little too well to the reblogged portion above needs to cut themselves some slack — myself included. Most people aspire to make each day better than the one that came before it, and in order to do that, we need to make peace with our past(s). (Not coax yourself into believing that you’re free of responsiblity or that bad behavior is ultimately of little consequence, mind you; just move forward without letting your mistakes weigh you down.) You can’t be good to anyone unless you’re good to yourself first. It’s time to be good to everyone.
